haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
