Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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