whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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