My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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