that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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