Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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