just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Houston, we have a blender
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
