I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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