i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize