Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I have post one night stand depression
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