Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
