I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
