just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Randomize