It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
