Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
