im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
