I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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