Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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