Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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