Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
