Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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