I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
