i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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