oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
