just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
