Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize