Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
