I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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