Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize