took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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