In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
