I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
