I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
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