i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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