I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
