In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Boobs speak an international language.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
