Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
