i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
