And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
