Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
