first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
