Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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