I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
