He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize