I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
