god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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