i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
