everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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