Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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