So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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