Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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