I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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