fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
