fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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