Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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