some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Randomize
