i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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