my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
