Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I cockslap morals
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize