What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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