One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
