Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
No subtext here. People are naked.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
