I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
