I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
