I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize