If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
