so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
