Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize