How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
