mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize