I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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