the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
