i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
