Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i've created a new STD.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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