There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
