The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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