I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If I die, sorry about rent.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
