TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
