I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
my liver is dry heaving
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
