It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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