on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
