at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
