i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize