Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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