Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
