yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
