I want you more than these girls want KFC
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
