they need to just BURY HIM!
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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