The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We had to coat check the pizza.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
