Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
