I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
