I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
