he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
