2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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