someone owes me an orgasm
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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