Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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