From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
