: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You left your phone here
Wait...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
