I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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