i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
