I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
