I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
