Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I wish you could order shots online.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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